Well, it’s that time of year again people, time to break out the hooks and lines and tune up the old Evinrude and hit the water.

If you are in the Delta it won’t  be hard to find. In fact it might be in your parlor. Unfortunately so much water tends to confuse things and throws the fish off their food, or scatters ‘em over so much acreage you can’t hem ‘em up.

I saw where they had a fresh water game cooking contest down at Enid. I would have liked to compete, but I could not find the ingredients to my favorite recipe. In all this water I can’t come up with a single gar.

Don’t laugh or hold your nose at the thought until you’ve tried it. Just to show you I’m not stingy I’ll give you the recipe just in case you get lucky before I do. Be warned the process requires unorthodoxed equipment.

You will need a boat with all the regular trappings: life jackets, rod and reels, several three- quarter-inch sections of white nylon rope about six inches long, frayed and flared on one end. This is used in lieu of hook and bait. Whereas a healthy and robust gar will often straighten a hook or otherwise tear loose in an adrenalin frenzy, they snag all those teeth in the frizzled rope and can’t or won’t let go. At this point, assuming the catch goes from 10 pounds or more it  will be prudent to have on hand a large net and reliable firearm.  (22 short to reduce over-penetration so you don’t shoot the boat or float).

For convenient preparation of this delicacy you will need:

1. A sturdy work bench or concrete picnic table.

2.  A dependable Louisville Slugger or pickaxe handle.

3. A Black and Decker type Skillsaw with a fine tooth blade.

The gar is sometimes described as a bony fish. This is true, but the bone takes form as the armored plate that it swims about in. Except for a few rib cage bones and a gristle down the center he is all meat. The problem is getting the goodie out of the iron-like shell. Hence the club.

Place the fish on the aforementioned picnic table — it is now time to assume an aggressive posture — and taking a firm grip on the club, address the gar vigorously. You gotta really put out. (Imagine you are a railroad bull back in the Depression and the gar is a hobo).

Whack each side for about five minutes at which time he might rattle a little bit if you shake him. The hide of this critter is not only extremely tough but extremely sharp so at this point you should put on the gloves and set the depth of the saw blade at about 1/8 of an inch. Make two full length  cuts, one on each side, and one circumference cut behind the ears. Now you will be able to pry the shell off with a flat bar from the tool box and a couple of flathead screwdrivers if they’re handy.

Remove the core, slice fillets lengthwise avoiding the rib cage and gristle and cut the filets crossways into finger size pieces. You are ready to cook. For this you will need:

1. 1 crawfish cooker or large pot.

2. 1 bag of Louisiana crawfish boil per 8 pounds gar.

3. 4 sticks butter melted with garlic.

4. 1 case beer on ice.

5. 1 cup 151 proof white Rum.

6. 3 cups water with four tablespoons salt (or substitute)

Marinate gar in water and salt rum mixture in refrigerator for one hour. Rinse and place in the crawfish cooker half full of boiling water and crawfish spice bag. Keep at rolling boil for about ten minutes. (Over-boiling will cause the flesh to lose it’s firmness.) Remove, drain, chill and serve with butter sauce.

I don’t have to tell you what to do with the beer do I? Clean your skill saw before you  put it up or in a very short time it will develop  a disagreeable aura.

Enjoy,

Ricky Harpole

P.S. With apologies to Billy Davis