By Rix Quinn
Do you remember elementary school recess?
At our school, we ate lunch right before playtime. We’d line up single file to
walk through the food line.
The plate lunch often included gravy-laden mystery meat – beef or possibly
bird – plus mashed potatoes and something green or yellow.
That lunchroom had only two major rules: throw away food trash, but don’t
throw away silverware. Once finished, we raced outside for random acts of
insanity.
In those precious playground minutes, we dreamed up outrageous stunts
for the afternoon.
In third grade, a guy in our class created a bathroom trick that others
quickly copied. He would go into a stall, and stand on the toilet.
He’d grab the stall wall, pull his head above it, and position his foot right
just above the flusher. Then he’d yell, “Please, don’t throw me in!” He
would then hit the flusher, and start screaming as his head sank slowly
below the stall wall.
We laughed like crazy. Unfortunately, the principal didn’t
A girl in our class could whistle bird calls. She’d start whistling, and some
guy would shout, “Hey, do I hear a purple-tufted flutter foul?” Then we’d all
run to the window.
The teacher wised up, checked a reference book, and declared the purple-
tufted flutter foul officially extinct.

Those days are long past. But sometimes, right after lunch at my favorite
diner, I get the urge to go outside and make wild birdie noises.
The restaurant doesn’t like it…but some of the diners ask me for an
autograph.