By Ricky Swindle

Muffler Shop Musings

Howdy friends!

I’m fresh out of jail. No, not Sheriff Phelp’s jail, thank the Lord. I’ve been in Facebook jail for seven days.

On the social media giant Facebook, if you post a certain statement, quote or image that goes against their “community standards”  they remove your ability to post anything on their platform for a certain amount of time.

I’m a habitual Facebook offender and have been sentenced on multiple occasions for different types of social media crimes over the years.

I have never been banned for vulgarity or lewdness because I don’t that publish that kind of content on my page, although I read several examples of what can be described as basically pure filth as I read down some of the pages I scroll.

By the looks of some of the more graphic posts I see, I sometimes wonder what community Facebook is actually using to devise their so- called community standards. 

That community must be a rough place with all the stuff I witness on those pages. I wouldn’t desire to reside there for any measure of stay.

My length of jail time is increasing with every offense I’m found guilty of even though I’m convicted with not as much as a trial with a jury of my community peers.

At first it was a 24 hour ban, then later 48 then 72, now I’m up to seven days. I suppose it will only increase as my arrest and conviction rate also enhances, and I trust it will.

Being a Facebook criminal teaches you almost the same things as being a real criminal in some respects if you choose to continue your criminal life. You must learn to be a better, smarter criminal.

In the beginning of my Facebook life of crime, I was unknowing and thus penalized for my ignorance of The Great FaceBook Community Standards of what to and not to post. But as we all know, while ignorance may be bliss in certain situations it is no excuse when it comes to breaking rules or laws.

I spent my first few days of social media incarceration pondering on my wayward, unlawful self and discovering what I actually did that was wrong and educating myself to dictate my posts in a different wording as not to be caught by the Facebook Police Department.

As you all know, I enjoy to a high degree the Annual Shriners 100 Gun Raffle and I advertise the event heavily on my radio show, in this newspaper, on SuperTalk Radio and any place I can find with folks that will listen. I love that event and all of us together have helped raise tens of thousands of dollars for The Shrine over the years.

Advertising fundraiser raffles is legal on Facebook, but gun raffles or gun anything is not welcome, and it puts you in violation as I have so learned. 

Over the years, with my literary criminal wisdom sharpening daily, I learned that I could post the gun raffle if I blacked out the word gun on the picture of the ticket I posted. Also, when I post about said raffle, I do not refer to it as a gun raffle, I use the words “Can Opener Raffle”. The Shriners 100 Can Opener Raffle the post leads off each September.  

It’s amazing. The folks reading my post receive so much satisfaction and joy knowing good and well that I am working around these communistic censorship rules of Facebook that our Shriner Gun Raffle ticket sales have actually increased with people using their cash apps to actually purchase the tickets on FaceBook itself!  

A few months back I was put in Facebook jail for bullying when the only thing I did was posted a picture of my grandheathen daughter with the words “There is nothing on my page that would embarrass my teenager granddaughter. Some of y’alls pages are nastier than a backed up septic tank. Might ought to clean it up a bit before your young’uns learn how to read”. 

Sound advice I thought. Nope, that’s bullying the Facebook law said. Five days on bread and water for me.

This last one kind of took me by surprise to be honest and it cost me a week, nonetheless.

I posted a video the Sunday it snowed sitting in a deer stand. Two little bobbing wood ducks were playing in the creek below me and I thought it was pretty, so I recorded it and placed it on my page.

Shortly, a friend commentor asked “Where are you?”  I wasn’t about to tell anyone where this sweet spot was located and jokingly replied with a line I have heard since I was a kid: “I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.” Followed up with three crying, laughing funny face things. It was a joke pure and simple.

Within minutes, the Facebook KGB deleted my comment and sent me a notice that my account was suspended for seven days and that I could not participate in any group for 30 days. 

I reckon the word “kill” is a “trigger” word, for lack of a better word, and when I posted, it automatically went into shut down mode.

After serving seven days I was sent back into society with what I believe is a little more knowledge about words and phrases that will be acceptable to their forum, and it is their forum believe you me.

I wonder what the next big thing will be. Facebook can’t last forever, nothing ever does. Congress keeps bumping around with the Section 230 law that protects internet companies from liability, but I believe the handwriting is on the wall for that law. 

All things good or bad eventually end and so will Facebook.

It’s going to be strange to have to have an actual one on one face to face conversation with others one day. How will we know who had what for supper or whose husband is great or whose wife is not? Will we ever trust again if people are single, separated, married or in a relationship for the umpteenth time if it’s not FaceBook official? I’m sure they are already working on a solution for that dilemma too.

Take care of yourself folks and I’ll visit with you again if this article does not break any Panolian community standards, but the next one might, you never know with a habitual word criminal like me.