Damn Bear.

(With apologies.)

I am not trying to turn this column into a sports commentary, but I gotta drag up this ol’ mess about the Ole Miss mascot.

Have you seen it? Well, I hadn’t until last week, and I was impressed!! That was one cute bear. As a matter of fact, my oldest daughter used to have one, of amazing similarity, to snuggle up to and cuss at. (It has been pointed out that she was born knowing how to be a daughter, while I had to learn to be a daddy. )

I love her now as I did then, but I never did like that bear. There was something about it that was unbearish. To start with, it was cute. It smiled. Smiling and not snarling. What kind of mascot would even show up  for the job of representing a kick-@## football team looking like Pooh Bear’s wimpy cousin. Now, don’t get me wrong, Pooh Bear was a great boon for peace and quiet in the snuggling department.

I ain’t got nothing against Pooh, but face it, children, it just ain’t a good representative for a contact sport. Not looking like that.

Being stirred up (and a little mule lipped) myself I brought this travesty of justice to the attention of the Moccasin Bend Hunting Club to see which way the wind was blowing which was, “ A thought in haste that came to waste.”

Here’s why:

In the camp, football has fallen into the same category as religion and politics. Hence the articles of The Moccasin Bend Hunting Club and Chigger Emporium (Article 4 paragraph B) plainly state,  “Thou shalt not discuss religion nor politics in camp.”

We have since added an amendment that also forbids even mentioning the F word until post season and only then after all members have been searched and disarmed.

Of the notes that were salvageable from the meeting before the stenographer said, “**&^* with it,” and started swinging her bat with and at the rest of the assembly, here are a select few passages from the meeting.

J.A. : “Watchall thank ‘bout that bear y’all got overair in Oxfert. ain’t it sumpin?” (JA is a State Bulldog Alumni).

Uncle Dane: “Well, it is a damned outrage, you know my great aunt Elvina got et up by a bear, and the family has been down on bears ever since, but we could still rally round the Ole Miss colors (whatever they are this week) if they would make the critter a little more aggressive lookin’.

“That ol bear that et aunt Elvina up at least had fangs and claws and a posture of aggression. (Uncle Dane is True Blood Red White and Grey Ole Miss fan).

He continued, “You could tell he wasn’t no ordinary bear off’n the shelf, cause as sour as that ol woman was, according to ever’body, he didn’t even git heart burn after he et her; now that’s the kinda bear we need…since we gotta have one,” he added.

There were other statements (unprintable) before the whole meetin’ went to  #%*@ (oops I meant Lambert) and got adjourned. About all I can make out of this “bearly” tolerable situation is, we’re stuck with it.

It has been shoved down our throats and we must swallow it.

Obviously, them yankees are still meddlin’ with our bidness.

Bearly Makin’ it,

Ricky Harpole