Why don’t we talk about something humorous for a change? I’ve been remiss lately in relating personal messes on time. Mostly because of an overdose of dogs, overdose of required medication, a lack of human contact and therefore a burnout of information on the redneck way of life.

It’s hot out here, my normal means of communications are compromised, the air conditioner quit, the phone has decided to work at its own discretion. My left leg ain’t much better from a horse wreck and my right one found a spider.

To add to this, the battery is dead in the damn car. The still in Quitman County blew up, the horse died. I lost $40 in a crap game and my Russian police dog decided to become a pet. My ex showed up and drank up half my whiskey and watered down the rest to 90 proof, hence the lack of required medication.

My favorite shotgun shucked a firing pin. The post office delayed my paycheck, I broke a guitar string on a recorded live show, my pilot’s license is in the process of being rescinded, the milk cow dried up, and somebody stole and ate my pet goat (he was my only lawn mower).

My in-laws are too healthy for my comfort and my life insurance policy application has been denied. The coyotes got the chickens. The vacuum cleaner quit. The TV is down to one channel and I ran out of coffee two days ago.

The IRS is P.O.’d because I never made enough money for them to steal from me. I’ve had everything here lately but a case of malaria and a baby, and have a feeling that one or the other is a-comin’ in the form of a Caribbean vacation (which is unlikely) or another grandchild. Malaria might be the best option but I’ll take my chances with the baby.

The rats ate my shaving kid (deodorant and all)’ there’s a lazy cat stealing the dog food on the porch and the dogs won’t even complain. I’ve often wondered what a steam-cooked, “no-count cat” would taste like, (I already tried a dog in southern regions and watched the procedure from start to finish. It’s all good but the bark).

The problems I have today are that I have too much to be happy about, as compared to other people’s problems.

Tryin’ to be cheerful,
Ricky Harpole

P.S. Have y’all ever had a week like this? If so call BR-549-8.

(Contact Harpole at www.facebook.com/harpolive or www.colespointrecords.com)