By Rix Quinn

     It’s time again for holiday shopping. I love it! When I’m in an especially festive mood, I can pass out more dough than a baker at a cookie shop.

     But my friend Verne, who is tighter than last year’s thong, can squeeze a dollar so hard it makes Washington’s hair fall out. Here’s his twisted philosophy:

1. Treat your wallet like a fine wine. Never take it out for a frivolous purpose.

2. Diet experts say you should never shop for groceries when you’re hungry. Likewise, never shop for clothes when you’re naked.

3. Set three levels of spending. Give family and close friends presents. Send other friends a nice card. Send casual friends a used card.

4. Speaking of used cards: (a) Never send the same used card to the person you got it from the year before. (b) Never re-send cards with your name and another family’s picture.

5. Consider giving coupons. Last year, ole Verne surprised me with a health-related coupon.

So, if I ever need canker sore relief, I can get it for 25% off.

Headline: Just a Minute…

By Rex Quinn

So, how did you spend your big November turkey holiday?

On Thanksgiving Weekend, millions of us sat down to a home-cooked holiday dinner, a whipped cream dessert, then haul ourselves to the den for a football feast.

 A true fan can view over dozens of contests that weekend…even more if he eats on a TV tray. After games, that same middle-aged fanatic can race into the yard to play football with guys half his age, trip over his dog, fall into a tree, then lie prone for up to four minutes. (My wife timed this when it happened to me.)

Football first appeared on radio in the 1920’s, but fans got bored watching a wooden box. So, some genius developed a way to transmit pictures over telephone lines, and created a TV screen roughly the size of a gnat’s pimple…way too small for football.

In the 1950’s, technology made larger screens possible, but they broadcast in black-and-white only. The confused fans couldn’t tell if their team was the one wearing black shirts and white helmets, or white shirts and black helmets. It got even more complicated when they fell on the gray grass.

But soon, color cameras brought vivid stadium scenes into our homes. We could then view green turf, the homecoming queen’s red roses, and – on cold days – blue cheerleaders.