Terrorists can’t read.

 At least the ones up around Longtown can’t. The reason I know is that the Tuesday night after the last attack (Longtown under Terrorist attack, says victim, Oct. 15) cited earlier they returned to pick up right where they left off stealin’ before.

Yep, cut them locks and chain off my gate and made off with every piece of copper to be had around my shop. Got my wife so upset that we can’t leave the house now unlessen we carry her cherished copper-bottom pots and pans with us in the car wherever we go. You got any idea of the racket coming from the trunk when we hit a big bump?

 Anyway so much for my newly-put- up NO TRESPASSIN’ signs. Now this good friend of mine (we all got one like him) did point out that this latest attack took place at night and I had no flood lights on my signs.

Well, my thinking on that is that if they could see to cut them locks and see to locate my stuff then they had enuff light to see them #%^^$* signs. Naw, I’m a stickin with they just plain can’t read.

 In between these two attacks I even went the extra mile to dabble red paint all over one area of my gate and a generous portion on the ground just under the gate. Then I started up the rumor that I’d caught a terrorist goin’ over the gate and I shot and crippled him up after which time he run off into the deep creek covered with kudzu that runs by my place.

My original plan was to use fresh road kill for the blood trail but them don’t lay on the road no time up here before being utilized in various ways (remember, we’s in hard times). Round here we kinda operate under that first come first serve protocol.

 I lived over 50 years in Quitman county before moving to Longtown here in Panola county six years ago on account of terrorists. But these past two or three years have convinced me that I should have kept agoin’ east. Terrorists spread out faster than kudzu or news of a death in a small community. And with absolutely no relief from them by way of the law my only option is to pack up all over again and move further elsewhere.

For you folks reading this that don’t understand my situation as described, well you just haven’t been attacked … yet. But it’s a comin’ some day. So Andy by dang Jackson that is what me and my wife are goin’ to do. This whole place is officially up for sale. Callin’ a real estate somebody to tend to it this week. Puttin’ up some FOR SALE signs right next to them deputy-sheriff-approved NO TRESPASSING signs.

 I’ll be needing an ad. Now lets see…. “Nice home with acreage for sale; pasture/woods mixed; located in North Panola County school district between Como and Crenshaw. Approved NO TRESSPASSIN’ signs already in place. Perfect for retired military type with experience fighting terrorists.”

I might better get my wife to help me on this part.

 I’ll let you know when I get a nibble.

 Herman IBD Bradley

Longtown